Witnessing a Church that Turned Back From Acceptance to Religious Homophobia

 

Heck. Another Facebook post that turned out long enough for a blog!

I popped into a church in the city centre because the doors were open and I hadn't seen inside since it closed for large-scale renovations. I just wanted to be nosy and have a look, that's all. I accidentally met the just announced new bishop of Newcastle. Her visit was the reason for the open doors. I wish her well in her return to the north-east.

I now know roughly why that church is not on the inclusive churches list anymore, a change that has saddened many people.

It's because God doesn't really approve of being gay. Bible says. So we have to obey. Don't blame us for what God says. That's what I was told today at least and I have no reason not to believe that what was expressed is the reason.

Sigh.

A step backwards unfortunately into preaching old anti-human interpretations of the God that is, according to the Bible, love, spirit and truth. From "God made you fabulous" to God calls you to repent of your sexuality and gender.

I didn't honestly expect anything different. So I have no extra disappointment. I'm glad to have confirmation of what I'd suspected having asked both the church and the diocese about it several times and receiving no response.

It's unfortunate that conservative evangelical churches don't tend to show believers that there are many ways to look at the Bible, even may conservative ways without including more liberal considerations. In all my time in such churches we weren't taught the insights of cultural history, anthropology, linguistics, or source, form and redaction criticism, modern archaeology, or anything much else. We were taught how to unfailingly approach the book from the assumption that it's true, that God said it, and that the interpretation given was THE right one. The "plain, simple truth of the Bible."

I know I missed out on so much for too many years including being able to approach the Bible from a much more rounded perspective, a perspective that allows for the liberating possibility of other answers. I was desperately trapped and I cry for all those trapped in similar ways.

For while the Bible has famous verses to attack queer people it can also be seen as an affirmation of who we are. A big hug to our wonderful variety but never a crush or a narrowing of our humanity. Plenty of Christians affirm. I had to learn how to do it and I probably wouldn't have been able to learn to accept, love and affirm myself if I hadn't.

In 2013 while in the process of coming out as transgender after decades of that crushing from religion I looked deeply into it including all those clobber verses. I was still evangelical in my faith then so I had to study. Nine years on I've forgotten most of what I learned but I remember the conclusion: it's okay to be me.

If faced with an honest and open position of having two interpretations, one of acceptance of the freely lived sexuality of gay people forming beautiful relationships of love with one another and one of seeing those relationships as sin, why would anyone willingly choose the latter?

That's a big "if" though because there is often only one acceptable answer for the conservative evangelical and if it goes against scholarship or liberation or even science and other more secular insights then it still remains the one acceptable answer. The "Bible only" as the basis for doctrine and life and mostly only one acceptable method by which to approach the Bible.

It's not the fault of the believer just as I don't blame myself for believing just the same for so long. It's not even really the fault of the preacher unless they have a wide ranging theological education and it's at odds with the preaching. It's the fault of the whole system that struggles with change and finds it easier to stick with what it says is the answer rather than freely asking more questions and interrogating a presumed answer.

The new baptistry is impressive though and the new lighting means sunglasses would be advisable.

It doesn't look like a place for mystery. Maybe it doesn't have to be. People usually prefer definite answers to unknowing. In religion, politics, wherever. It's much easier. Especially in a world that feels increasingly uncertain and unbalanced.

I'm sure the people at that church are happy enough and confirm each other through the community of the literal faithful. I'm sure they will "build one another up" and through repetition will believe ever more firmly in one way to salvation, one truth, one interpretation. Surety of belief can be a powerful thing in a community. I couldn't wish any ill to any of them. I'd be unsafe were I to spend time in that environment rather than being a cause of risk.

I believe in doubt. I believe in my ability to be wrong, to mess up, to be amazed at new knowledge that reveals my error. I believe in asking questions. I believe in a cosmos too staggering for anyone to be sure they have the one answer. I believe in the progress and exploration of scholarship. I believe God didn't say the words in holy books at all. Men did. Mostly men rather than women. That's the irrefutable conclusion of scholarship not scepticism. I believe in many ways to live, to life, to meaning, to abundance within ourselves and between ourselves. Maranatha. Om mani padme hum. God is dead. I and thou. Even self created meaning in a universe that may have no meaning.

So I have no place in a church like that. Even if was straight and still believed gay relationships sinful and sang out a thousand alleluias a day I'd have no place. I belong to the displaced community of joyfulness in uncertainty. I belong to the community of the lovers of infinite mystery.

I will let them be. Outside of the CofE I can do no more than that. I have no right to either unless their views ever became more outspoken and dangerous to freedom and liberation in our cherished city. I haven't the energy to defend the vast acceptability of my own existence. So I'll just go and drink tea once a week in a church hall among people who don't believe my self-acceptance to be sinful. Ringtons tea cakes too and often home-made cake because the fuel of the church isn't prayer as they might claim. It's tea and cake.

I was so tempted to pick up the guitar and sing. Without asking. I was not quite that naughty today. I'd even have sung a god song rather than "Sing if you're glad to be gay." After all, I don't know the words to that.